Help with overbearing aunt - what would you do?

First, in your position I would not try to reimburse her for the gifts. I would give them to a charitable organization like Shelters for Battered Women or the homeless. I would tell what I had done ,donated in her name, and that you didn't need it or already had what ever it is and because you know how generous and giving she is and knew she would not mind. As for her going to you at every doctor visit, I would either tell her the truth, that's your special time to ask the doctor questions and her being there distracts you or that the doctor asked that you came alone and ask him any questions she may have because it's distracting and taking up too much of his patient time. You are not going to change your aunt, it's not in your power. You can change the way you interact with her and be upfront about saying no and expressing your feelings. Why worry about how she will react? She's already talking about you to the family and you're letting her have her way. How could it be worse if you didn't let her have her own way? When someone with dementia sees through her, why is her reaction even on your list of worries. This is a precious time for you and your husband, it's just wrong to allow someone to spoil it.